Black Powder Monologue Diary

Chapter 3 3 Big Stars

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He smelled of alcohol, his face was flushed, he leaned against the wall, his cloudy eyes kept staring at me, his mood was very abnormal, it was different from any other time in the past.I stood up, leaned back tremblingly, and whispered that I was doing my homework.

I knew he was going to hit me.But I don't know, he really wanted to beat me to death that time.

The moment he grabbed my hair and hit the wall, I was dizzy for a while, I couldn't feel anything, even the pain faded away, I seemed to be floating in the air, strangely peaceful.After the dizziness passed, I slowly regained consciousness. I lay on the floor and saw blood all over the ground. I touched it with my hand, and it was wet and sticky, very disgusting.

I didn't know whose blood it was, but I looked up at my dad, only to find that he had a knife in his hand from nowhere.Only then did I take a look at my stomach belatedly. There was a hole in it, and blood was flowing out of it.

I was terrified, with a hunch that something had gone off the rails.I thought he might kill me, so I begged him not to kill me, not to hit me.But as if he didn't hear him at all, he kicked me hard, kicked me onto the TV cabinet, and then I fell down again.

"Little bastard, you and your mother are the same thing! What's the big deal?!" He said cursingly.

"Don't hit me, please." I cried to him.

"I'm telling you! Don't even think about running away! Can you run away? I am your father, and you will be my son for the rest of your life."

He started to slap me again, his teeth hit my mouth, and my mouth smelled like rust and blood.

"I was wrong, I'm sorry. I was wrong." Trembling, I begged him for mercy.

He was still beating me, somehow touched the remote control, and the volume button on the TV was suddenly turned to the top position, and the roar inside made my ears hurt.My dad pulled my hair back hard, and my eyes were full of blood. I saw the man in black on the TV with a devilish look in his eyes. come towards me.

My dad saw the TV too, and he stared at the man on the TV, pulling his belt out of his pants as well.

"You will die by my hands today." The man on the TV said gloomily, staring at the camera.

My dad also whispered in my ear: "You will die by my hands today."

The voices of the two of them converged in my mind, and for a moment I didn't know who was speaking. I just felt fear and pain, and there was no place on my body that didn't hurt.

The man on the TV was smoking the man on the ground, and he was screaming miserably.My dad was beating me too. Every time his belt slapped me, I felt like a piece of flesh was rotten on my body, and the pain made me shiver.The man on the TV broke the belt and continued beating with a stick.My dad also learned to hold a stick and continued to beat me.

I can't feel anything, only pain, only dizziness.

In the last second of consciousness, I was lying on the ground, watching the TV in the distance, the man's hands were covered with blood, I felt that I was no different from the man who died on the ground in the TV.

I thought, no one came to save me, everyone was watching my pain, they were indifferent.

Later, when I woke up, I was lying on a hospital bed and had been in a coma for a whole week.

The nurse told me that that day, the neighbors in the apartment building said they heard our cries and called the police in case something happened.The police knocked on the door for a long time, but no one responded, and broke into the door.My dad was sleeping on the bed, reeking of alcohol, with blood on his hands, and I was lying on the ground covered in blood, unconscious, so I was rushed to the hospital.

I realized afterwards that if I had been sent to the hospital half an hour later that day, I might not have been saved.

Actually, I think I'm lucky.Because of the beating, the court deprived my father of custody. He originally wanted my mother to raise me, but my mother had already entered another family and was pregnant with a baby.When I saw her hesitation, I felt very uncomfortable.

Later, I still didn't talk to my mother.I followed my grandmother, she is a very kind old man, she is very kind to me, I am content with it.

My life seems to be about to turn bright, but I know it's not that easy.

When I was very young, I would have nightmares, and my dreams would be full of my jerk dad.After being with my grandma, I still have nightmares, but it's not just about the jerk dad, but also the man with the ghostly eyes on the TV, who beats me with my dad, with the belt in his hand.Every time I woke up, I couldn't help shaking all over, as if I was experiencing the despair of death again.

When I was 16, I started seeing doctors.The psychiatrist said it's called post-traumatic stress disorder.He made a diagnosis and treatment plan for me that lasted for two years, and the medical expenses were so high that I felt nothing wrong with being beaten to death by my father.So I resolutely refused the treatment and chose to continue to be a normal, ordinary person.

My grandma is already very kind, I can't get sick again, this will only drag her down and make her worry.I want to be a good boy who makes her feel at ease, even though it is not easy.

When I came back, I saw the poster of that man on the road, and I felt chills down my spine. I was afraid to see his face, and over time, I became disgusted. That man was Ji Shanye, Ji Shanye who lived in another world.

This is why I hate Ji Shanye, he is very naive, but he can't change it.To be precise, I was afraid of him. Even though I understood that what I saw was just a play that I acted in, I still felt scared.I was afraid to see him smile, afraid that he would look at me, as if I would return to that night in the next second.

To others, he is Ye Ye's brilliant star, an actor with superb acting skills, and a handsome and extraordinary person.To me, it was just the man who was involved in the beating that night.I can't calm down, and I can't forget.

I hate him, I'm afraid of him.Like hating my bastard father, I want to never see him again for the rest of my life.

That bastard has been sent to prison, I can't see him.But Ji Shanye is too popular, he is a big star, I see his news all the time.

I get it, I'm being irrational.Ji Shanye is innocent. If he is at fault, it is because his acting skills are too good and he made the movie too real.But I can't control it.

I'm not a saint, and I can't be sane.I'm a layman, and I hate to see anything that reminds me of the past.

I understand that I am a biased and stubborn freak.

Perhaps, from the very beginning, I should not have been born in this world.

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