16 years

Chapter 199 "... come and save me."

Liu Ruosong's breathing was stagnant, and he hardly dared to think deeply.

He puts himself in the same way as others, and only feels that if it were him, he would not be able to be as tight as Fu Yan.

——No, Liu Ruosong thought suddenly, there were no clues.

Fu Yan was in a very abnormal state a few times, and would repeatedly and mechanically ask him about some past events, asking him about the part he didn't know.

Liu Ruosong thought that he wanted to draw some strength from those memories, but now it seems that he really wants to judge the result from these details.

If everything is his hallucination, then the details of what he doesn't know should be vague and difficult to be self-consistent.

No wonder, Liu Ruosong thought.

His heart seemed to be twisted out of thin air, sore, painful and swollen, he took a hard breath, sat sideways on the bed, and hugged Fu Yan's entire upper body in his arms.

He hugged her so tightly, as if he was afraid that Fu Yan would disappear from his arms if he let go.

Liu Ruosong suddenly understood that when Fu Yan said "everything is going well", he was not happy, maybe even panicked - because this seemed to be evidence of "illusion", as if all problems were going smoothly. His subconscious mind was developing the same.

Liu Ruosong recalled the bits and pieces of those days, and felt that Fu Yan must have struggled too. He was vacillating between reality and illusion, so he clung to a spider thread and forced to wade between the two. Road.

But when he finally went to Joe Eden's lair, that coincidental clue might have given him the final blow, making him lean in one of the directions without any resistance.

Is it because it was too painful last time, Liu Ruosong thought, but I didn't notice his pain, and thought he recovered very well.

He suddenly felt a kind of incompetent self-blame in his heart. Since the restart, Fu Yan has been so scrupulous about his feelings, and almost never separated from him for too long. He is always in front of his eyes and continuously gives him safety. The feeling made him become a lot more normal from a paranoid patient of misplaced persecution who was on the verge of panic.

But he didn't find anything wrong with Fu Yan.

I didn't realize that he had spent so long in such painful anxiety and doubt.

Liu Ruosong clenched his teeth, his side face was almost sharp, his eyes were red, and he seemed to have a little more determination for no reason.

I can no longer rely on him, Liu Ruosong thought.

Liu Ruosong once thought of the last time, before Fu Yan had time to restart, he had a gossip with Fu Yan.At that time, he seemed to have unintentionally mentioned a possible tragic future, and Fu Yan didn't know whether he understood himself or seemed to have foreseen his future collapse, so he gave him a revelation.

"If that's the case, then you will support me." Fu Yan said.

Liu Ruosong still remembers Fu Yan's expression when he said this - he hadn't restarted so many times at that time, so he looked energetic and hopeful.But even so, he didn't take this sentence as a joke, he said it very seriously.

You are right, Liu Ruosong thought, then let me replace you now.

So he didn't cry anymore, but gritted his teeth and hugged Fu Yan tightly, stretched out his hand and groped around a few times, pulled the slipped coat, and wrapped it tightly around Fu Yan.

He picked out the most important one from all the problems, and then rubbed Fu Yan's side neck with his palm, wiping off the cold sweat from his body, and letting him catch his own temperature.

"Do you still think everything is fake?" Liu Ruosong asked softly.

Fu Yan gritted his teeth and leaned against his arms, shook his head lightly upon hearing this, and said, "I don't know."

Fu Yan's heart is very confused now, as if there is a chaotic balance in his mind, which is swinging from side to side.On the one hand, he felt that after the last reboot, he subconsciously would never find an imaginary enemy like Joe Eden for himself, but on the other hand, he was not sure whether that death had been seared into his soul, so he unconsciously Fear, unconscious memory.

Liu Ruosong didn't ask him to say one, two, three right now, he hugged Fu Yan, was silent for a while, and said softly: "Then let me tell you a secret, which you didn't know before."

Fu Yan froze for a moment, then looked up at him.

Liu Ruosong didn't speak, he put his arms around Fu Yan with one hand, and untied the coat of his training uniform with the other hand.

Soon, he took off all his training clothes and winter clothes, leaving only a thin T-shirt on his body.

Fu Yan didn't know what he was going to do. At the beginning of the restart, he was still confused. The wound on his arm was badly torn, and the blood had soaked through the gauze. He lost too much blood, and he was in a daze.

He noticed that Liu Ruosong left for a moment, but returned to him soon.In the next second, a slightly thick quilt came over and covered the two of them at the same time.

Immediately afterwards, Liu Ruosong adjusted his posture, switched to Fu Yan's other side, avoiding his injured arm, took his other hand, and pressed it against his body.

Pulled by Liu Ruosong, Fu Yan's hand slipped into the hem of his T-shirt, then covered his thin waist, and slowly slid to the back of his waist.

Liu Ruosong's body was warm, and Fu Yan subconsciously shrank his fingertips, fearing that his own body temperature would freeze him.

"Hush—" Liu Ruosong said, "Don't move."

As expected, Fu Yan didn't dare to move anymore, his whole body was frozen into a piece of wood, so Liu Ruosong could only let Liu Ruosong hold him, rubbing the opponent's lower back delicately.

Liu Ruosong didn't move well from this angle, and he felt a little itchy, so he smiled lightly, and the back of his waist tensed into an arc.

After a while, he seemed to have finally found something, leading Fu Yan's fingertips to land on a certain point.

Fu Yan was at a loss, but after feeling it carefully, he vaguely realized that there was something wrong with the skin under his fingertips.

It seems to be a little bumpy, but not obvious.

He frowned habitually, and followed the trace with his fingertips up and down, only to find that it was really a scar.Its length is about as long as his entire hand, and it is very shallow and thin. It would be difficult to see it if it was not intentional to recognize it a little bit.

Fu Yan's face changed, and he instinctively got a little anxious.

"How?" he asked.

"I missed stepping in the deep mountains and old forests." Liu Ruosong said.

He didn't take Fu Yan's hand out from under the hem of his clothes, but leaned close to him in this posture, and said softly: "I have restarted so many times, and I can't remember exactly how many years ago——I went to I was collecting wind in the deep forest of no man's land in the north, but I accidentally stepped on it and fell into the trap of poachers."

Fu Yan hugged his waist subconsciously.

——Liu Ruosong never told him about this matter.

"Actually, there's nothing in the trap, it's just high." Liu Ruosong said, "But coincidentally, there was a protruding wooden branch on the wall of the pit, so when I fell down, I got a wound by accident - right at the bottom of the pit. this."

As Liu Ruosong said, he patted the back of Fu Yan's hand lightly.

"It's not too deep, but it's bleeding a lot." Liu Ruosong said, "I was afraid that you were worried, and I didn't tell you later—I don't want you to be distracted by wondering if I'm in no man's land when you're on a mission. There's danger here."

Liu Ruosong smiled and said softly: "Speaking of which, you are so keen on this kind of thing, I'm afraid you will find out that you have been applying scar cream for a long time."

Fortunately, Fu Yan is a very deceitful lover. When he was at home, he could easily believe what Liu Ruosong said, and then he didn't get to the bottom of it.

"It's very dangerous." Fu Yan's voice was tense: "What if there are spikes or blades in the trap."

"Yes, it's very dangerous." Unexpectedly, Liu Ruosong did not comfort him, but followed him and said, "Will you let me fall into such a dangerous situation in your illusion?"

Fu Yan was suddenly stopped by his question.

Of course not, he thought.

He might torture himself in hallucinations because of fear, but he would never put Liu Ruosong in danger alone.

In the final analysis, this kind of concept does not exist in Fu Yan's cognition. He feels that as the head of the family, he is born with the obligation and responsibility to protect his partner. If this is his illusion, then he must be the one who fell into the trap, and Not Liu Ruosong.

Just like countless times before, Fu Yan easily listened to Liu Ruosong's words, and believed most of them in his heart.

He himself is not a weak person, but when the external pressure is too great, Fu Yan will inevitably need someone to pull him out of the thick and heavy swamp.

"...No." Fu Yan seemed to promise something, and whispered: "Never."

His voice was about to fall, as if he had just escaped from a long dream and stepped on the ground.

In an instant, the pain that was deliberately isolated by the "dream" became vivid again, and the neuralgia was fierce. Fu Yan frowned in pain, and let out a muffled groan while leaning against Liu Ruosong's arms.

Liu Ruosong hugged him nervously. He didn't know whether his method would work or not. He had never studied psychology, so he was prescribing the right medicine for Fu Yan purely based on his understanding of Fu Yan.

"Actually..." Liu Ruosong's heart softened for a moment, he held Fu Yan's wrist, and said softly, "It doesn't matter if you can't tell, at least I'm real, right?"

Fu Yan shook his head.

He is not a person who will retreat in his bones, even if he is thrown on a cold and hard brick and smashed, he is definitely not the kind of person who will retreat.

Fu Yan finally obtained the final answer from Liu Ruosong. His judgment did not allow him to escape back to the security of the "illusion" again, forcing him to face the belated pain in the real world.

For a moment, Fu Yan only felt that his body was on fire.

The neuralgia was a web, sharp and continuous, as if the fire had come to Wrangel Island from thousands of miles away.

He seemed to be in a panic, grabbing Liu Ruosong's neckline with his injured hand.

The blood stained his wrists and fingertips red, leaving an abrupt mark on Liu Ruosong's white collar.

Liu Ruosong hooked his shoulders to pull up the quilt, and tried his best not to shake his voice.

"Do you want to cry?" Liu Ruosong said, "Cry if you want to."

But Fu Yan is not good at this method of decompression. His eye circles are red, not like crying, but bleeding.He held Liu Ruosong's neckline, looked at his face, and struggled with heaven and man in his heart for a while, and finally let himself bow his head under the pain.

He gasped in pain, his voice broken.

"...Come and save me." Fu Yan said in a low voice, "I can't face it alone anymore."

"Okay." Liu Ruosong said.

As soon as he finished speaking, Fu Yan seemed to let go of the string in his heart suddenly. He sank all over, fell into Liu Ruosong's arms, and fell into a deep sleep.