my private life

Chapter 26 The Final Confession

After crying bitterly, my heart felt as if it had been hollowed out, and I sat down on the sofa when I got home, not wanting to say a word.

Liu Qingyan didn't say a word along the way, even though I squatted there and forgot my dignity and cried bitterly without any scruples, she just stood aside and said nothing.

I thought she would justify herself, how I wished to hear her complaint for a moment, all this was my paranoia, she had nothing to do with that woman.I'm not at home these days, she just stays in the hotel to accompany that woman because she's bored.She already had the habit of sleeping naked, and I didn't catch their current behavior.

Everything can be covered up with lies again. I would rather believe any excuses of hers than face the fact that she cheated; I can't accept the fact that she betrayed me.Although the result is the same, I would rather be the sinner who destroyed our love.

But her silence fueled my despair.In my opinion, her silence contained disdain, resentment and indifference, except for guilt.

The two of us sat on both sides of the sofa with our own worries in mind, neither looking at the other.The ringing of her cell phone broke the frozen atmosphere in the room.

We all know whose call it is.At this time, if she dares to pick it up, I have the heart to strangle her to death.I squinted at her coldly, and she looked at the phone hesitantly, then glanced at me again, and made the damn ringer go away.

After sitting like this for a while, she finally said, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have kept it from you. I wanted to tell you when you got back, but..." She paused and laughed self-deprecatingly, her laugh sounded like So miserable.

I looked up and saw the clear finger prints on her left cheek, and my heart felt like a knife.For the first time in his life, he hit someone with his hands, and it turned out to be his lover.No matter what she did, I shouldn't have hit her, especially not in front of that woman.

But I didn't apologize to her, it's over and nothing can undo what happened.

"Let's break up. I'll move out in a day or two." She stood up and walked to the bedroom.

She must have known this ending already.I thought I'd be furious when she announced the death of our love in such a deadpan tone.But I was also extremely calm, and when I raised my arms, I saw the result very clearly.

"Have you ever loved me?" I still couldn't help asking coldly.Is it because her life is dull and she seeks excitement outside, or is it because she has never loved sincerely?

Liu Qingyan turned around and sneered, "What do you think? Is it meaningful to say this now?" She turned her mouth into the bedroom.

I nodded with a wry smile.I will never be as unfeeling and cruel as her.She reminds me of how she treated Chen Xiaofei back then.At the beginning, I naively thought that I was different from Chen Xiaofei, because I loved Liu Qingyan, and love would change her.

The fact is that love is nothing, neither can stop her lies, let alone stop her betrayal.

Faced with this most unacceptable result, I no longer felt sad or cried. I just felt so tired. I fell on the sofa and fell asleep soon.

It was daylight when I opened my eyes.In the haze, I didn't know where I was. I thought I was in a hotel in Shenyang. I didn't realize until I looked closely that I had already returned home.This reminds me of what happened last night.

The room was very quiet, I sat up suddenly, when the towel that Liu Qingyan covered me fell to the ground.I picked it up and threw it on the sofa and walked quickly into the bedroom.

There was no one on the bed.Two large pillows were placed neatly side by side, and the two were laid flat on the bed.My eye sockets are hot, this is the first time Liu Qingyan has made the bed so tidy in the past five years.

I looked around the house and her suitcase and laptop were gone, and some of her clothes were still in the coat closet.

She's leaving now? !A week ago she was still standing in front of the coat mirror asking me if her clothes looked good, but now she has parted ways with me.

My first thought turned out to be where does she live?For a moment I moaned at myself for the pathetic thought that she would be more comfortable living anywhere than here at the moment.

Whether I can accept this fact or not, and no matter how cruel the truth is, it is right in front of my eyes.I sighed and went back to the sofa, covered my whole body with a towel, and fell asleep.

Wake up, sleep, wake up, I'm too lazy to get up all day.At night, my stomach hurts from hunger.I just got up and made myself a bowl of instant noodles without washing up.

When I was full, I turned on the computer and started playing games. Fu Yuhong was surprised to see me online. She even asked me if her cousin was not angry when I played games.

I ignored her question, just asked her whether to form a team into the dungeon.After fighting monsters all night, I think it's really good. I don't have to think about anything in my mind. The past and future, the tragedy of being alone at this moment, Liu Qingyan and that woman are all forgotten.

I have been living like a walking dead for half a month.

Some people may say that I dare not look directly at the status quo, and my heart is weak and immature.I don't know how mature people will behave in the face of emotional betrayal and the departure of their lover. Are they as rational, calm or even heartless as Xia Jingyi or Liu Qingyan?The high-sounding sound is to play a chic turn around. There are no grasses anywhere in the world, and anyone who leaves can live.In fact, the pain in my heart is only clear to me.

I admit that I am worthless, and my heart is not strong enough to be more heartless than the other party. I also admit that when love goes against me, my sky collapses.

Of course, I have to go to work on Monday.If it is said that life must go on without love, it is better to say that time is passing, and my life stops here.

Just on Monday, I received an email from Liu Qingyan in my mailbox.I clicked on the email, and this was a farewell letter from Liu Qingyan to me:

Fanfan, I say sorry again.

I didn't want to hurt you, today's ending is not what I want.You ask me if I have loved you, the answer lies in our mutual hearts, if there is no love, I cannot live with you for five years, and it is our love that slowly disappears, and life gradually becomes dull, that will make us happy I am tormented.

At that time, I really wanted to talk to you, but you didn't take it seriously.I also tried to change the status quo, but it feels like I can never go back to the past, and you can feel this yourself.

I think you don't know me well. I would rather die on the road of pursuing love than live in mediocrity.You said that most people's lives will eventually be flat, but I can't be one of the majority, absolutely not.

I admit that I disdain and can't bear this plainness.The appearance of Vice President Li moved my heart.I also admit that I lied to you that I went to Shenzhen during the Spring Festival.

When love came, I was at a loss, not because I didn't think about you and our life.Therefore, many times I have hesitated, as long as I take a step forward, I will hurt and betray you.

But does sharing the same bed with different dreams count as betrayal, or does it count as spiritual derailment?I say this not to justify my actions.I know that no matter what I say, you will never forgive me, and I don't expect you to forgive me.

Breakups are bound to hurt, just in different ways.Breaking up also makes my heart ache. Do you really think that I am heartless?Am I very willing to see this result today?I don't want my love to last forever until the end of time.

The truth is, our love died long ago.Do you remember the movie "Zhou Yu's Train" you took me to see, there is a line in it that I can't forget: If you have it in your heart, you have it, and if you don't have it in your heart, you really don't have it.

I'd rather be a heartless person than a hypocrite.

When I went to Shenzhen last time, I was so hesitant, but at that time I couldn't control my steps. I wanted to talk to you when I came back, but I didn't dare to say goodbye to you.I really don't want to hurt you.

Later, I planned to wait for you to come back from Shenyang to talk about it, but I didn't expect you to take a step ahead.I know you hate me.You hit me and I don't blame you.I deserve it.Each of us will bear the consequences for what we have done, but I don't regret what I have done.I can do anything for love.

I just tell you calmly, I have a new lover, let's break up.Are you willing to admit this fact?Based on what I know about you, you will still beat me up.I should thank you for your hand, otherwise I really don't know how to say that sentence.

Having said so much nonsense, I just want you to understand that our fate is over.

I will go to Shenzhen to work and live in a few days.I will pick up my things, and I will put your salary card in the bedside cabinet.There should be [-] to [-] in it, but I don't remember the exact number.

I read this final confession several times, no matter how she explained it.I will hate her for the rest of my life.

If the harm Xia Jingyi brought to me was temporary, Liu Qingyan completely shattered my beautiful dream of love and future life.I no longer want to believe in love, in anyone's feelings, whether male or female.

When I was with Xia Jingyi, I was still an ignorant girl. At that time, I didn't know what true love was, and I was not very sure in my heart that we had a future and a result.

In the five years of living together with Liu Qingyan, we have created that kind of beauty and warmth together.I have clearly and clearly seen my future with her.But she shattered my dream so cruelly.

I can't forgive her for hurting me in search of a new life, even if she left me more money, I can't let it go.

On the surface, my life is step-by-step, but only I know that something in my heart has been lost with Liu Qingyan's departure.Maybe never get it back.

Just two days after I received Liu Qingyan's email, she took away her things while I was not at home.Soon, Fu Yuhong asked me in surprise on the Internet why I didn't go to Shenzhen with her cousin.

I said indifferently, there is no reason, we broke up.

Since then, I have never heard from Liu Qingyan again.We became a passer-by in each other's lives.